Wanting Memories
by ebtwisty9
Summary: Characters listed are for ship purposes only. Main character is ACTUALLY Quinn.   Even when Quinn is with Finn, it's pretty painfully obvious he's never actually hers. He'll always be Rachel's. Finchel from Quinn's POV. Set after 2x15 "Sexy". Oneshot.


**Foreword:**This is my first real glee fanfic, and I can't promise I'll do very many. But it was very, very fun to try and write Finchel from a Fuinn point of view. Because frankly, Finchel doesn't die. Even if Quinn is desperately trying to kill it.

My apologies for any and all OOC'ness. I'm not used to using any characters but Rachel. And as a disclaimer, I sure don't own any of this.

* * *

"Do you forgive me, Finn?" she rolled on her side and looked at the back of Finn's head. It honestly hurt her that every time they finished making out, he'd roll over. Refuse to look at her face. Quinn was pretty sure she knew the answer before Finn even heard the question.

It wasn't like he was _trying_ to come off as cold, or like he was _trying_ to make it seem like he was using her for…whatever it was he seemed to see in her…it was just what happened. They'd cool down, she'd smile at him as sweetly as she could, and he'd lay on his back, clearly pleased with himself. Then he'd end up facing away, relaxing, and he'd stay like that until something woke him up.

Quinn sighed. He had _obviously_ fallen asleep and not heard her question. He totally didn't used to fall asleep after a hot make-out session the first time around. "Finn," she repeated, her tone a little harsher. He jerked. "Do you forgive me?"

Finn held still, sat up, and looked around at the bed, the room, and the girl laying next to him. Then he relaxed and leaned back on her headboard. Doing his routine "this is not a dream and I am not with Rachel" surveillance, no doubt. It made Quinn sick. Of course, the question _would_make just as much sense if it had come from Manhands, so it was at least understandable. This time.

He reached over and touched her shoulder, muttering, "what are you talking about, Quinn?"

"Don't be an idiot, Finn," she seethed. Why was he making this so hard? Did he not believe her when she said she regretted losing her virginity to Puck? Why did she _always_ have to spell it out for him? "My mistake with Puck. Do you forgive me?"

Finn chuckled, sliding down in her bed to be closer to her. "Quinn, we just spent an hour eating each other's faces. I think it's safe to say I'm over that."

"Yeah," she replied, staring hard at him, "but do you _forgive_ me? Are we…here…because you don't care what happened in the past, but you do care about our future?"

Finn blinked at her and, for once, she couldn't read his face. Okay, she couldn't read his face half the time. But that was just because half the time, Finn's face was just a blank canvas of "dur-dee-dur" and wasn't worth reading. It broke, however, into his charming melt-you-into-butter half-smile and he replied, "Yeah, that sounds right." He moved to kiss her, but this time, Quinn rolled over, away from him.

She normally didn't care about the nature of their relationship. It was easy. They hooked up after school almost every day, flirted at one another's lockers, and that was it. He didn't try to sit through any of her movies unless it meant they were going to make-out, and since he only came over when her mom was at work, that was usually the only reason they ever put a movie on in the first place. They never went on dates where other people could see them, and they rarely talked about anything besides sweet nothings. But that wasn't good enough.

xxxoooooxxx

Quinn and Finn became Quinn and Finn again, even if just in secret, in the days following Rachel's party. They had been awkwardly ignoring each other for a bit too long. Rachel was completely smashed every day that week, as were a _lot_ of glee kids. But Finn wasn't, and Quinn wasn't, and it was awkward being the only sober (or not hung-over) kids at the glee lunch table the day after Sam's big party which neither were invited to. So they sat alone, staring at their food and occasionally at each other.

"So," Quinn had said, desperate to break the tension, "Sam figured out Sam and me after all."

"What?" Finn asked, a piece of turkey falling from his lips.

"Remember in the nurse's office, when I said that I had to figure out Sam and me, and you had to figure out you and Rachel?"

"Oh… yeah. I forgot …yeah." Finn looked down at his sandwich and bit it extra hard.

Quinn glared at him, even though he couldn't see the daggers, as his sandwich was apparently more interesting than her face. He could probably _feel_ them at least, because he seemed to cringe into his sandwich. "Sam obviously figured out my half _for_ me." She tried to hide her pain with an angry tone, and it seemed to be convincing, because Finn finally put down his damn sandwich and looked at her. "What about you?"

He gulped and looked away from Quinn again. "Are you sure you want to…move forward?"

"Oh my god, Finn," she groaned, looking up at the cafeteria ceiling. "_You're_ the one who seduced _me_. _You're_ the one who keeps pressing for a relationship."

"I was asking if _you_ were okay with moving forward, Quinn," he replied. "I mean, you and Sam…you _picked_ him, and…"

"Oh, shut up, Finn," she snarled. _Don't you dare bring up that I picked him._ "He's a little preoccupied with Santana and the space between her legs at the moment, and I am _positive_ we're through."

"Sometimes people go to Santana because they can't have the person they actually want," Finn said with a shrug. "Because she's easy and hot and super eager and it feels _good_. Because it feels better than waiting around for a chance you might not get."

"This isn't about you and RuPaul,"_ Oh wait. Yes it is._ "The Santana-dating-my-ex stuff isn't, I mean."

"I wasn't-…I didn't-…"

"We _do_ need to talk about you and her, though. Did you figure it out?"

"She did, yeah…" he replied, turning all his attention back to his sandwich. "She's moved on. She's focusing her attention on herself now. She even moved us past the awkward break-up crap so we can be 'just friends' or whatever. I mean," Finn looked straight over at Rachel, knowing somehow that she had moved from the glee table to play with the Renaissance club's lunches. "since I'm her friend and all, I should probably stop her from getting liver poisoning, but…"

He didn't stop talking there. But Quinn certainly stopped listening. Clearly, _Rachel_ figured out Finn and Rachel…but what she decided wasn't what he actually wanted. She followed Finn's gaze and watched Rachel fiddle with the fishtail braid one of her "friends" had in her hair. She started to laugh and Quinn noticed Finn's voice catch in his throat and his rambling stop. She hadn't been listening to him, but she was pretty positive he didn't end his sentence with a period.

He was _so_ not over her.

"Look, Finn." She reached across the table and directed his face towards hers. "You said you weren't done with us. I want to be with you again. I'm done feeling sorry for myself and you need to do the same." He smiled, but it seemed forced. "I should never have screwed us up. We really _had_ something, Finn. And we can have something again. We can be special together again. Besides," she said flirtatiously, "Prom's coming up."

"You really feel like that, Quinn?" he asked.

"Mmhmm," she opened her ho-ho from its wrapper and broke it in half, handing one half to Finn and nibbling at her own half.

Finn smiled. "You're really hot, Quinn. And great. And stuff." He stuck the whole half in his mouth, at least keeping his mouth shut when he chewed. "I think that'd be totally cool. To be together again." He swallowed and Quinn didn't miss him glance over at the glee table, which Rachel had rejoined, her chin on Mike's shoulder.

"She doesn't have to know," Quinn replied, quietly.

"What?"

"We can…we can be together, you know, without being _together_." Finn looked at her as if she was pulling scarves out of her mouth. "I really do want to be _with_ you, Finn. Walk into school with you on my arm, get crowned Prom Queen with you next to me, sit down to dinner with our moms together…but I'm not ready for a _real_ relationship that fast. Sam and I…that was _really_ real. And I think you're thinking the same thing." That was the main thing. Quinn _desperately_ wanted to show off a new relationship. But Finn…most likely did not.

"I could date for real…I'm not...she cheated on me, Quinn."

_So did I, you freaking idiot,_ Quinn almost wanted to say out loud. Except that would make _her_ the freaking idiot. If Finn chose to forget about Beth, just like she tried to every day of her life, it would be easier on both of them. "All I'm saying is that I don't think either of us are ready to commit…but I don't think either of us are ready to _not_."

He was confused again. Of course. But then he nodded. "Yeah, okay." He looked at Rachel one more time, as if trying to get her out of his system, then he turned to Quinn with the dorkiest seductive face he had. "You're mom gets home late today, right?"

xxxoooooxxx

Quinn started caring about the nature of their relationship because of Rachel. After Celibacy club, the one that Rachel ran instead of Miss Pillsb-…_Mrs. Howell_…the one where nearly the entire glee club minus Mercedes, Tina, Mika, and Finn had shown, Rachel cornered her. Like, literally. She practically herded Quinn into the corner of the room and stared at her with those crazy Rachel Berry eyes.

"I hope you were listening to what I said, Quinn," she said, trying to sound soft but not matching her expression. "If you two _do_ get sexually intimate in your relationship…and don't even try and convince me there isn't a relationship, I would recognize a hickey from Finn Hudson on _any_ part of the body on _any_ human being…" (okay, Berry. _Way_ too much information.) "make sure it _is_ out of love." Rachel took a step back. Quinn blinked in shock. That was _definitely_ not what she expected to hear. Was the hobbit actually condoning them having sex? "After everything that happened with Santana, he deserves at least that. And honestly, so do you." Rachel bit her lip and Quinn thought she could see tears forming in her eyes.

Rachel was so _honest_ about it. So…sane. Either she _was_ completely over Finn, or she was completely _not_. Quinn watched her walk back to the circle of tables, that same Rachel Berry confidence in her walk, up until she sat down. She pulled out her iPhone, tapped out a message or whatever the hell she was doing, and buried her face in her arms.

Definitely completely _not_.

She almost wanted to go over to her, put her arm around her, and tell her all the times Finn muttered "_Rach"_ instead of "Quinn" in his groans. Or how when she was trying to share a romantic moment of eye-contact with him during "Landslide", he had been staring at Rachel. The whole time. Or how she made him banana bread _once _and it took him five minutes to get the courage to eat it, finally downing it like it was manna from heaven, telling her how different it tasted with egg and milk and real butter instead of actually complimenting the baker.

But she wouldn't. Couldn't. Rachel had won Finn from her before, and there was no way she was going to do it again. She could _never_ know that Rachel still had Finn- would _always_ have Finn- and he couldn't know that, either.

Maybe before she had wanted Finn because he was hot, because he was the star quarterback, and because he was a little something on the side. She liked keeping him a secret because it kept things exciting, sexy, and with a lot less pressure to actually have _feelings_. But she knew what it was like to be in love, and she could see in Rachel's face what it felt like to be loved by _him_. Quinn wanted that. She wanted that maybe even more than she wanted to be prom queen.

xxxoooooxxx

Quinn always stayed awake longer than Finn. She had more to think about. He preferred to dream.

She watched his chest heave up and down, as this was one of those days he _hadn't_ rolled over to fall asleep. Quinn scooted closer to him and sat up, her hair forming a curtain around her face as she traced his jaw. It steeled under her touch, and Quinn felt her heart do the same. "I'm sorry I'm such a bitch," she whispered. "You really deserve better than me. I don't know why we keep crawling back to each other." Finn didn't say anything back; he was very much asleep.

"In the girls' locker room, people steal her clothes a lot. Like, a _lot_. It's a damn good thing she shops at thrift stores because she'd be buying new outfits every day. But you knew that," she added, mostly to herself, as Quinn remembered overhearing Finn comforting Rachel about how beautiful she was after just noticing her outfit change.

"What you don't know is that one day, someone stole that necklace. The one with the star. I didn't know it was from you until that day. She normally didn't care about the clothes getting stolen, and they normally left her shoes or jewelry or whatever, but this day, she saw her locker was empty and slammed it shut so loud, the entire locker room shut up. Then she went on this rant using all these words I've only heard in ACT books…and Finn, I have a pretty good vocabulary…calling out their immaturity and jealousy and a bunch of other things. She swore, too. She swore a _lot_. But she made it sound classy somehow. Scary as hell, but classy.

"She went on and on about how that necklace was a metaphor for her success, her potential, and the respect she deserves from more than just one person. And she said a lot of things about you…really sweet things, really _true_ things…things I never actually appreciated or even really noticed about you. And about that necklace. I don't think you have any idea how important that thing is to her.

"You know Vanesa Wilkerson? The science club girl with the ugly smile? Yeah, _she_was the one to steal her stuff. At least that time. So she pulled me aside after Rachel left the locker room and gave me the necklace and her grandma clothes. Didn't say anything, just gave it to me so I could give it back to her. Rachel had everyone scared shitless and wrapped around her finger because of _you_." Quinn felt her throat constrict, but she pushed on, her finger tracing along Finn's chest now. "And you're not even together."

Finn licked his lips in his sleep. "I want that," she whispered. "I want to be a better person because of you." She breathed deeply, inhaling Finn's cologne. "You know, _you're_ a better person because of her, too. I can tell. You try to hide it, but she _changed_ you. And I don't just mean that you actually study more, or that you understand more 'big words'. By the way," she added, fiddling with his shirt, "When I was with Sam, we agreed you two were totally cute with that word-game-thing. When she'd say a way-too-big word in one of her many tirades during Glee, and you'd define it in her ear and she'd squeeze your arm if you got it right. At first, Sam and I thought you were just flirting and being disgustingly cute, but it was even cuter- and a lot less disgusting- once we overheard you that one time." She frowned slightly, adding, "I have to imagine you got a better reward than just an arm-squeeze whenever you were studying alone.

"Really, though. You're sweeter. More self-assured. You care a _lot_more about the people around you. You're more of a gentleman. You kiss a hell of a lot better. All in all," she said, chuckling a little as she slinked next to him, still whispering at his sleeping form, "I'm glad I got you after you went through a little Rachel-izing."

Smugly, Quinn snaked her arms through his and closed her eyes for a few minutes. She was about to fall asleep when Finn's phone starting blaring Guns N' Roses, waking him up. He sat up, Quinn falling to the side. "Sorry," he muttered roughly as he blindly grabbed for his phone. He read the text as she sat up to read over his shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck.

_Puckasaurus Rex: the little prncss is doing some ballet thing n Lauren wants to go. I told her to just go w/ tina + mercedes cuz they r going, but she said shes gonna make it "worth it". dude. go with. do not wanna go to this estrogen fest alone even if I get a bj outta it._

Finn looked at Quinn, almost like asking for permission. In reply, she said "my mom is working late today," in a husky whisper. No way would Finn ditch her for Berry. Again.

"I'll ask him if Mike's going," Finn said, remaining in Quinn's arms, but feeling a little tense, like he was waiting for her to let go. Slowly, he typed, _What abt Mike isnt he going with Tina?_.

"Did you sleep well?" Quinn asked as they waited for a reply. Finn nodded, then his phone started to play "November Rain" again. He opened the text, trying to hide it once he finished reading, but Quinn had always been the faster reader. It read, _dude hes IN the estrogen fest. come on, man. think of berrys tight ass in that lttl tutu. kno you want 2._

"Mike's in the ballet," he said in a huff. "I should really go. For Puck."

Quinn narrowed her eyes automatically, then tried to brighten her expression. Finn didn't need to know she'd read the end of the message. "Why don't I go with? I never support Rachel or Mike in their dance things, and it would be fun. Then…we can park while you 'drop me off'. It'll be perfect."

Finn was already standing, grabbing his bookbag from the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. "Yeah, I don't know, Quinn. Puck wants me to come because there's already too many girls."

She tried to rebuttal, but he was already texting a reply to Puck. "Come _on_, Finn. You can see Frida Kahlo dance around the choir room any day of the week." _Not in a skimpy dance outfit, which was obviously a large part of the appeal, but still…_

"Frida Kahlo?" Finn asked, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "That's new." He finished his text and looked up at Quinn, pouting on her bed. "It's not about her anyway. I'm going for Puck." He walked over and gave her a tender kiss, trying to be as reassuring anyway. Before he left, he pointed at her and smirked, adding, "but I'm _definitely_ up for picking you up after so I can 'drop you off'. See you in a few hours, Quinn!"

He shut the door and she made a terribly disgusted face. _Wonderful. _She would get to make out with a _very_"Rachel-ized" Finn tonight. Quinn fell back on her bed, groaning. No matter how clear it was that Finn was hers, he was _always_ going to be Rachel's. That was for sure.

It didn't seem fair. For the second time in a relationship with Finn…if that's what you could call this…when Finn was totally and completely hers, he still managed to be totally and completely Rachel's.

xxxoooooxxx**Fin**xxxoooooxxx

**-**written by **Razzi **of ebtwisty9


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